Negotiating a Win-Win Instead of a Win-Lose Agreement

What you'll take away from this course in negotiating skills

This negotiating skills course will enable you to master two crucial skills that'll transform your approach to negotiation from win-lose to win-win.  The two skills are assertiveness and empathy.  A combination of these two skills will enable you to create an atmosphere of mutual respect, understanding, trust and open-mindedness, instead of fear and defensiveness.  This'll make you more successful at reaching win-win agreements when you have a disagreement, dispute or conflict with someone. 

How the skills you'll practice on this course will make you a more successful negotiator

What do empathy and assertiveness bring to the art of negotiation?

They make possible a win-win instead of a win-lose outcome, provided you can agree on:-

• a common objective
• not accepting any outcome that fails to satisfy both sides. 

Obtaining these two conditions may not be easy, because we often start negotiating not with a shared aim, nor with the intention to take care if one-another’s interests as well as our own, but with the aim of maximising our own advantage. The idea of being equally concerned about the satisfaction of both sides does not occur to us. But it makes a big difference not only to the outcome but also to the spirit in which the negotiation is conducted. Without it we inevitably see and treat one-another as enemies, with fear of being taken advantage of as the underlying motive. But with it, feeling safe we'll not be taken advantage of, we can treat one-another as friends, and that opens up a wider range of possible outcomes.  Here's the spirit of it:-

• Instead of trying to gain an advantage over one-another let’s try another way. Let’s agree at the outset not to accept any outcome unless it satisfies us both. In other words, let’s agree to take care of one-another’s interests as much as our own. Then we can feel safe enough to look for a solution that satisfies us both.

Steps for negotiating a win-win agreement

Below is a suggested procedure for having this conversation. On the Skills with People course we'll help you develop the skills you need to be confident you can follow this procedure successfully:-

Step 1

• It's crucial to agree (a) a common objective and (b) not to accept any outcome unless it satisfies both sides. Without this agreement you cannot achieve a win-win outcome. But if this proves difficult why not explore the fears that are preventing the other side from agreeing to these conditions?

Step 2

• Say, “You go first. Please say honestly what you need out of this negotiation, and why you need it. My purpose to start with is simply to satisfy you that I fully understand what you need and why you need it”. Take enough time to achieve this purpose. Don’t argue – just listen with empathy in order to make them feel understood and respected.

Step 3

• Say, “Now it’s my turn. I am not asking you to agree with me – just to satisfy me that you hear and understand what I need and why I need it”. Say frankly what you need and why you need it. Be specific and clear about where the outcome they need satisfies you and where it does not. Remind them if necessary that you are not asking them to agree, just to hear and understand. Don't move on to step 4 until you both feel fully understood.

Step 4

• Say, “It's clear that we have some common ground, but also that there is a gap to be bridged before we can agree. Let’s now proceed on a quid-pro-quo basis in order to see whether we can close the gap. In other words, I’ll concede you this, if you’ll concede me that. Let’s both take care that neither of us feels we are being taken advantage of.”