How to give difficult feedback
... that motivates and inspires
... without making people defensive or argumentative
Is this training right for you?
Discover the exact steps you need to be completely honest,
and get away with it WITHOUT upsetting people
- In your job you have to help people perform better but you feel bad about it in case you come across as confrontational, rude, disrespectful, negative or hurtful.
- Sometimes you have to be tough with people … to help people face hard truths, but you're not confident you can do it without upsetting or offending and worry about being accused of bullying,
- You know that people need to be confronted from time to time, and they might benefit from tough, firm and clear feedback, but you’re not at all confident how to give constructive criticism safely without starting an argument or a fight.
- You feel uncomfortable doing appraisals and performance reviews for employees and coworkers as a manager (the human resources part of the job). Instead of improving your relationships sometimes they end up causing you stress when the other person becomes defensive. You may accept they’ve got to be done but don’t feel at all comfortable doing them.
- Perhaps you’d love to develop your leadership skills and become more inspirational and encouraging instead of accepting and putting up with poor performance or quality at work.
- Some people would like to be able to be more generous with your praise, but don’t like to praise too much in case other people might think you sound insincere or patronising.
- Lots of people don’t enjoy confronting problems, having difficult conversations and dealing with difficult or angry people because they’ve never been taught how to give constructive feedback and so find it hard to talk about difficult subjects while building rapport and trust.
- Sometime you really want to receive some good quality critical feedback, but don't know how to ask for it from the people from whom you need if they are not very good at giving it.
- Sometimes you want to be able to express strong feelings, or dissatisfaction or complain more successfully and you’d love to know if there is a diplomatic way of to do it that doesn’t provoke the other person into staring a fight.
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You sometimes have to receive feedback that is delivered clumsily, and it puts your back up because of how badly it is put across. You'd like to find a way to respond elegantly without being provoked into a defensive argument.
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Or, you may simply want to know more about emotional intelligence and how it can help you communicate more effectively with others and you're looking for one of the top training courses on the subject.
What you'll take away from this feedback training
How to give effective feedback and constructive criticism
- a London UK management training course and leadership coaching programme
- How to generously praise without feedback that panders or is patronising,
- How to constructively criticise without attacking or antagonising,
- How to confront others with your feedback WITHOUT discouraging and putting them on the defensive,
- How to give effective feedback in the workplace,
- How to avoid common feedback pitfalls that irritate others,
- How NOT to criticise, if you want to inspire and motivate others to change,
- How to be successful with others by giving positive, constructive and inspiring feedback, while at the same time skillfully giving constructive criticism others will what to listen to.
- Develop leadership skills so that people are inspired and motivated to follow you, and eager to please.
- This isn’t just a set of academic lectures. There are some important principles we'll teach you, however our approach is mainly practical.
- You'll understand why giving feedback is difficult to do (biologically), and how to overcome the brain's bio-chemical triggers with a very simple, clear and powerful skill set.
- What exactly what to say, and how to say it in order for your feedback to be accepted without making people defensive.
- Practice an emotionally intelligent method of giving authentic, effective feedback during appraisals.
- How to both genuinely kind to the person AND tough on the issue when giving constructive criticism.
- Receive lots of practice during coaching sessions with a trainer, until you get really good at it.
- The training programme is designed to help you prepare for meetings where you’ll be able to predict the kinds of things people might say so you can rehearse how best to respond in those situations.
- How to be become a more influential and authoritative communicator.
- How to confidently “give it to people straight” without having to worry about whether the way you’re putting it is going to ruffle their feathers.
- You'll develop your leadership skills that all managers can master.
- You'll develop empathy so you can listen skilfully when offering feedback.
- You’ll find that other people will be grateful for your feedback and constructive criticism to team members. They’ll thank you becuase your insights and observations about them will be so helpful, supportive and positive - even when you're telling them what you don't like.
A practical guide - how to make your criticism constructive
How emotional intelligence can make your feedback more powerful
Appraisal training - how can I improve my feedback and constructive criticism skills?
Just follow the simple practical guidelines given below, and you'll immediately find your feedback is better received. The guidelines are followed by some practical hints which give an idea of the approach you'll learn and practise on this feedback training course and leadership coaching programme.
There's a world of difference between constructive feedback and personal criticism. It puts people's backs up when in the name of feedback they hear opinion, judgement, generalisation, unsought advice, or questions implying criticism. Our feedback training will enable you to be much more specific, factual, generous spirited and constructive with your feedback.
How to give emotionally intelligent constructive feedback and constructive criticism
You can make a start on improving the quality and effectiveness of your feedback before coming on the training course. Here's how:-
Always start feedback with praise
To give praise, think of something specific that the person has said or done that you feel good about, and give three pieces of specific information about it:-
- The fact that you feel good, e.g., pleased, satisfied, impressed, full of admiration.
- Secifically what you feel good about.
- Why it makes you feel good.
Then pause and pay close attention. Allow time for your praise to sink in and for the other person to respond. Do not be in a hurry to start the criticism. Go on to the criticism only when you are sure he is in a receptive state of mind.
Follow priase with constrcutive criticism
Here's how. Think of one thing you feel bad about, and give 3 specific pieces of information:-
- The fact that you feel bad, e.g., frustrated, concerned, dissatisfied, alarmed.
- What you feel bad about.
- Why it makes you feel bad.
Then pause and pay close attention. Allow time for your criticism to sink in and for the other person to respond.
When you try out this method of giving criticism, pay close attention to how the other person is receiving it. Make your praise so specific, honest and generous that he feels genuinely approved of, and do your utmost to make the whole experience highly motivating for him.
Most people are amazed at how well this method works when they put it to the test. But don’t be hard on yourself. This kind of assertiveness training is hard to learn quickly. Practise in easy situations before moving on to difficult ones. On the Skills with People course we'll give you a great deal of coaching and feedback to help you develop your confidence you can use this approach effectively. Lots of leaders have developed this skills so that can talk straight to people and provide clear and inspiring leadership.
Feedback - practical hints to help people become more receptive to your criticism
But surely, if I follow praise with criticism won’t I end offering negative feedback?
The key is – be generous. If you do a generous enough job with the praise, the criticism will also be received as positive. It will not be necessary to follow it with praise.
Is it really necessary always to start feedback with praise?
Yes, it’s a pretty good rule of thumb. Otherwise your constructive criticism, however kindly meant and well done, is likely to put them on the defensive, and then it is much harder to get through to them.
How do I know when the feedback contains enough praise?
The answer is, when they feel genuinely approved of. So be generous. Don’t stop at one piece of praise when you can find two. Don’t stop at two when you can find three. Convince them you are genuinely in their fan club. The result is electric. Imagine how it would feel if someone genuinely treated you like this.
What if I can't think of anything to praise them for?
Only when you suspend critical thoughts when offering feedback can you see the other person in a more generous light. How can you do this? By making a conscious effort to separate their weaknesses from their strengths, and by setting aside their weaknesses in order to focus your mind on their strengths.
What if I resent them too much to think generously about them?
You can't think generously while carrying a grudge. Grudges, or grievances, weigh heavily on us. But no one can make us carry them. We're free to let them go if we want to.
Am I not in danger of being patronising when I give praise?
Yes you probably will sound patronising unless you (a) make the praise very specific, and (b) say only what you sincerely mean. If you do these two things there's no danger of being patronising.
Why is the PAUSE so necessary when giving feedback?
It gives time for your words to sink in, and for the other person to respond. Most people are in a rush. Don’t be. This way of communicating works better slowly.
Must I always follow praise with criticism?
No, of course not. It works better if you give more praise than criticism. It also works well to praise often with no criticism attached - people will then be more likely to accept your feedback.
Testimonials
Examples from participants (and a manager) who have had this feedback training
- “The 'Skills with People' has helped me deal with conflict situations. It has helped me to diffuse tension in meetings and convert pushback into alignment. Particularly the coaching sessions in preparation for the training event provoked introspection. An unexpected spin-off has been a modification of my written communication – where similar concepts can be used as practised intensely at the course". - Senior Resource Consultant, Shell International.
- "This is the best non-techincal course the company has ever put me on because it's the most useful". - EHS advisor (environmental health and safety), Johnson Matthey.
- "There has been a noticeable improvement in the performance of this customer service engineer. He is much more succinct now than he was before. He was highly satisfied with the course. It was very effective and his improvement is invaluable". - Feedback from participant's boss - a Johnson Matthey Catalysts (Germany) senior manager.
FREE exploratory coaching session
Interested? You could be good at this!
- You can have a FREE exploratory coaching session over the phone or video call.
- It'll give you a foretaste of what you can get from the course.
- You make no commitment to proceed beyond this until you're sure this training is relevant for you.
- You don't have to be based in the UK to receive this training. The one-to-one coaching can be extremely effective over video calls.
What will this session do for you?
In this FREE video coaching session a trained expert will aim to;-
- gently explore what you're looking for help with. Learning challenging new skills is much easier when you feel safe, so we like to create an un-pressured atmosphere,
- diagnose your particular training needs,
- answer any questions,
- give you something practical you can use right away that'll help you handle a difficult situation more successfully at work. We'll teach you what to say, and how to say it to achieve the results you want.
How to accept this offer
- Simply ring Alex Gould on +44 (0)1727 847 889 for a preliminary chat and to arrange a session,
- or, email him at alex@gouldtraining.co.uk
- or, if you'd like us to contact you please fill out the form below and we'll contact you and to arrange a convenient time for your free exploratory coaching session:-
Get started now!
Our response to COVID-19: Online Coaching
During this time of the coronavirus (Covid-19) worldwide pandemic we’re obviously not easily able to deliver our courses in the traditional way in groups because of travel and social distancing restrictions, however all our training can be delivered online through video conferencing, or over the phone.