Being More Demanding or Forceful - a Management Training Course

What you'll take away from this course

You'll be more demanding or forceful when people are reluctant to do what you want, but without being aggressive. You'll be able to be truly assertive. Normally being assertive is a simple and effective way of being firm with people without antagonising them. But as well as this you'll have the additional power of the assertive ratchet.

How the skills you'll practise on this course will enable you to be more demanding or forceful when you have to

There's a powerful method of being demanding and forceful without antagonising people. We call it the assertive ratchet, and it's one of the things you'll learn on this course.

The assertive ratchet is a way of being increasingly assertive without being aggressive when someone seems to be refusing to do what you want. It's a courteous way of standing your ground and being increasingly demanding and forceful when the need arises.

A ratchet is an instrument you can tighten up notch by notch if necessary in order to prevent what you are gripping from slipping out of your grip. Assertiveness can be used like a ratchet if at first you don't succeed in getting the other person to do what you want.

Example

The example involves Anita. She's talking to an unwilling colleague. Put yourself in his shoes and try to imagine her effect on him each time she uses the ratchet:-

ANITA:  Paul, you remember those figures I asked you for? Are they ready for me yet?

PAUL:  What figures? No, I'm far too busy. They'll have to wait.

• This is the moment for her to be assertive, by putting how she feels into words and explaining succinctly why she feels this way

ANITA:  That’s worrying. If I don't get them in the next two days I’ll miss the customer’s deadline.

An honest, clear and assertive response like this is usually very effective. Nine times out of ten the person who receives it will find it very hard to resist. But to illustrate how the ratchet works let's imagine he does resist:-

PAUL:  So what?

• Now she can ratchet her assertiveness up one notch by saying once again saying how his response makes her feel, and why

ANITA:  I’m shocked. You seem to be saying you don’t care if we lose a customer. 

Notice she doesn’t argue, which would make it easy for him to argue back. She simply makes him aware how his response makes her feel and why. Again, an honest, clear assertive approach like this will normally bring him to his senses. But let's imagine he continues to be difficult:-

PAUL:  Why don’t you go away and stop pestering me? Haven’t you anything better to do?

• Now she rachets up another notch

ANITA:  Now I’m even more concerned, Paul, because you seem to be refusing to cooperate, and without your cooperation I can’t do my job.

• Again she doesn’t argue. Instead, she ratchet's up another notch, focuses on how she feels right now, and why. 

• If he goes on refusing she can ratchet up to the final notch

ANITA:  Now my concern is about you. If you go on refusing you give me no choice but to go over your head to the director, and that could be bad for you. I've no wish to make things bad for you. 

It is very unlikely she'll need to go this far, but the knowledge that she can if necessary gives her the strength to stand her ground.

Summary of how use the assertive ratchet

Notice how she stays very alert as the conversation moves forward. She never once argues or repeats herself. Once she's spoken assertively she moves on, focusing on the next and more immediate issue as soon as it arises. In this way she progressively increases the risk he is taking, but at every step she gives him another chance to change his mind. You need to be on your toes to use the assertive ratchet, but it is satisfyingly effective, and it defines how to be assertive:-

• Use your feelings, because they're your most reliable source of personal power and authority.
• Speak the truth.
• Be clear and firm.
• Don’t argue. 
• There’s no need to be aggressive. 
• Be economical with words.
• All you have to do at each moment of the conversation, if you can be quick-witted enough to do it, is tell the truth about how you feel, what about and why.

This method needs a lot of practice, and that's what you'll get on this course on how to be more demanding or forceful. This is a great way to develop the confidence to stand up to people and be more demanding and forceful when they're being difficult. At no point in this conversation need you antagonise them or argue with them.

More reasons why you might benefit from this training in how to be more demanding and forceful

• I realise I sometimes create tension and misunderstandings by not being firm enough with people.
• If only I could get rid of a sense of guilt about making demands on people.
• I very rarely say firmly and clearly what I want, because I'm always calculating how people will react. No wonder I find it difficult to handle situations requiring me to be tough.
• I'd rather yield to someone else's will than insist on my own.
• People must see me as weak.
• Could I really change from being a pushover to being firm when necessary, forceful, demanding, tough and uncompromising?
• Some people seem to know how to do it, so why not me?
• Perhaps the secret would be to find out how to combine assertiveness with empathy, then I could be uncompromisingly tough on the issue but without antagonising the person.