Might this London UK based management training course called Skills with People meet your own particular need to be more successful at influencing and persuasion without argument?
Yes it might if you agree with any of the the following statements
- It’s hard not to argue when you disagree with someone’s opinion.
- But you know from experience that argument leads to yet more argument – it rarely succeeds in changing people’s minds.
- So if there was a way to be better at changing people’s minds without being argumentative you’d be keen to learn it.
- When someone resists your point of view you do your best to keep calm and reason with them. The trouble is that sometimes they won’t listen to reason.
- When that happens you can’t resist being drawn into adversarial debate – in other words, into argument.
- Most arguments are a waste of time - they rarely reach agreement.
- You sometimes fail to achieve your goals at work because your influencing or persuasion skills are not as good as you need them to be.
- You've always assumed that the best way to persuade people is to reason with them.
- You find that reasoning with people only works so long as they're open minded.
- You've been told you've a reputation for being argumentative, but this isn't fair. You don't think you're doing anything wrong - all you're trying to do is reason with people. If only they'd be more open-minded and rational you wouldn't need to argue.
- It's when people raise objections or resist your point that you find yourself arguing.
- You can see that arguing rarely succeeds, because the more you argue the more they seem to resist.
- There must be a more successful method of persuasion, but you can't see what it could be.
What you'll take away from this course
You'll have the understanding, skills and confidence to be a better influencer and persuader. The main difficulty in influencing and persuasion is when people resist. We'll give you a very effective way of overcoming resistance without argument.
YOUR NEXT STEP
- Call us now, and we’ll be glad to discuss what obstacles you may be running into, and how we can help you develop the additional influencing and persuasion skills you need.
- If after this you'd like to go further with our training we offer you a free exploratory one-to-one coaching session by phone or Skype.
Below is an introduction to what you'll learn on this course about influencing and persuasion without argument
Why is influencing and persuasion so difficult?
When influencing and persuading we're trying to change people’s thinking and win their agreement. The trouble is they resist, and so influencing and persuasion is mainly about overcoming resistance. And the trouble again is - the more you argue the more they resist. And even though it gets you nowhere you probably go on arguing. Most people do. But we'll help you kick the habit. This will make you much more successful at handling objections - without argument.
Resistance is driven by emotion. Sales people don't call it resistance - they call it raising objections. But whatever you call it, when people feel bad they’re unreceptive to reason. It’s not their fault - it’s how their brains are wired - a biological fact of life. But it's the reason why reasoned argument is a poor method of influencing and persuasion. Giving people facts and logic and reasoned arguments is not a very successful way of handling their objections.
If reasoned argument doesn’t work as a method of influencing and persuading, what does?
What works much better is encouraging people to express their doubts and fears. But surely that only makes them more resistant!? No it doesn’t. In fact it’s the fastest way to open their minds. As they express their feelings they rapidly calm down and become more open-minded. The trouble is that the impulse to argue is usually very strong, and the idea of allowing – even encouraging – people to express negative feelings probably goes deeply against the grain.
But the fact is - people are much more influenced and persuaded by how you listen to them than by what you tell them. So the main skill you need is listening with empathy. Your empathy will enable them to discharge their resistance harmlessly and open their minds. A good rule of thumb is: as soon as you become aware of even the slightest resistance, focus your attention on helping them express it as strongly as they can and so that they can let off steam.
Here's how to do it:-
Pay very close attention to the person you're trying to influence. Try to identify and reflect back as accurately as you can the following three things:-
- How they feel (Try to name their feeling, e.g., “You don’t look too happy,” “I imagine you must be frustrated”, “You seem upset/angry”.)
- What the feeling is about (What specific event or experience are they reacting to? What has happened?)
- Why they are reacting this way (What specific need, belief or difficulty of theirs is making them react this way? In other words, what really matters to them?)
Then pause and keep paying attention, giving them time to let off steam, time to think, and time to say more. When they do say more, repeat the process. Often when you succeed in making someone feel understood they respond with a spontaneous, “Exactly!”
Example of listening with empathy when influencing and persuading
Objections do not have to be seen as negative things, regrettable obstacles in the path of making a sale, to be made little of, or got round, or even if possible avoided altogether. They can be seen as valuable markers on the royal road to a sale, to be encouraged, valued and brought out into the open.
How can an objection be a valuable marker on the road to a sale? Here's how. This example shows the salesman using the skill of listening with empathy as his first response when meeting an objection:-
CUSTOMER (raises a serious objection): You let us down badly with late deliveries last month.
SALESMAN (instead of arguing or trying to make excuses, takes it on the chin, and listens with empathy): Yes we did let you down. I imagine it's made you lose confidence in us and want to look for another supplier.
CUSTOMER: That’s true.
SALESMAN (more empathy): So to win back your business I will obviously have to make you confident it won’t happen again. You’ll need to be convinced we’ve taken the problem seriously, have found the cause, and have a reliable solution.
CUSTOMER (his mind beginning to open): That would certainly help.
SALESMAN (speaks frankly, but takes nothing for granted): I believe I can convince you.
CUSTOMER: Okay, go ahead. We would rather stick with who we know, provided we can trust them. But you’ll have to be very convincing.
SALESMAN (continues being frank and open): I believe you. I’ll do my best.
The salesman now swiches from listening to telling. But even as he does so he still pays very close attention to the customer to see how he is reacting. At the slightest sign of a frown or a raised eyebrow, or even a blank expression, he swiches back to listening and reflects:-
- e.g., “I can see I haven’t fully convinced you”, “Something’s still worrying you”, “You’re still concerned about …”, “You’re not happy with what I’m telling you”.
He does his best to address each concern to the customer’s satisfaction. He ends up with, “Are you convinced enough to place another order with us?” If so, job done. If not, he goes round the cycle again, asking:-
- “What further obstacle needs to be overcome before you are sufficiently convinced to place an order with us?”
Once more he does his best to satisfy the customer’s concern, and then tries again to close the sale.
Yet more needs met by this training in influencing and persuasion without argument
- When trying to persuade people you often find yourself entrenched in adversarial debate. It rarely succeeds in winning people over to your point of view, but you have no other way.
- You'd like to be able to influence people honestly and without manipulation.
- To make the full contribution that you're capable of to the business, you need to increase your powers of influence.
- The part of influencing you find most difficult is handling people's objections and resistance. That's when you often find yourself deep in argument with people. You realise that argument is not a very successful way of opening people's minds. You need to know how to stop arguing, how to persuade without arguing.
- You need to be more successful at winning cooperation, winning people over, changing their minds.
- You'd like to be able to handle disagreements in an atmosphere of mutual respect and understading, instead of seeing them degenerate into conflict.
- You need to find a way to persist in getting what you want from people without nagging.
- You need to be more successful and quicker at reaching agreement and getting people's commitment, getting them to say yes.
- You need to know how to negotiate win-win agreements.
- If you knew how to open closed minds you could be much more successful at work.
- You need to be able to deal more successfully and irrational people.
- You need to be more successful and quicker at getting a meeting of minds at work.
- You need to be able to oppose people strongly sometimes, but without arguing and without being disrespectful.
- You need to be more effective and quicker at resolving disputes,
- You need to be able to disagree without conflict.
Is there more about influencing and persuasion on this website?
Yes. You might also find our page on winning friends relevant and helpful.